Ashlyy (pizzanporn) wrote,

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haha, a month ago, everything seemed so fucking perfect in my life. Now, I only have a mess of things.

Jon and I broke up almost a month ago because he's scared of being only 21 and in such a serious relationship. Well, fuck that. I'm only 19 and i'm tired of just dating around; i like serious relationships. I loved what we had. And, i fucking loved him. Too bad he's such a chicken shit about it. Never been in loved and scared the shit out of him so much that he had to break it off. We're suppose to be just friends, yet everytime we hang out he starts complaining how hard it is to be just friends with me. Well, I guess he should have thought about that before he fucking broke my heart.

He gets all upset that i'm moving on so quickly--That i'm going out with so many different guys. Well, he lost the right to care about that. He also lost the right to know that i'd never fucking date any of them seriously because my heart won't fucking give him up.

And I need a damn job.I like to be extremely busy and lately i'm not. I miss classes; i can't wait until they start up again.

Plans for the weekend::
Friday is still pretty open, I might go down to Highlands Ranch and hang out with some old friends that are back from college for the summer

Saturday: Jen is having a 4th of July bbq even though it wont be the 4th of july yet, rofl. Anyways, so i'm going there during the day...I'm suppose to hang out with Jake also, Might have to change that to another day though because my friends Justin M and Will want to take me out that night. I haven't seen them in like 4 years, so i really want to go. haha. They are from back in my Techie days. Justin owns a promotion company and he liked to dress me up and take pics for fliers for raves. When we started to talk out of the blue again he was like "oh, yes. my little flier girl" Rofl, i'm surprised he remembered who i was. He was the older guy who came to class to help out all the time because he loves techie shit. Everybody saw him as "godly." And i was the chick that all the techie guys wanted. hahaha. i miss those days.

Sunday: Josh and I are going to hang out. I'm a little nervous because we've known each other for 5 years and when we first met we were kind of dating until he went home for christmas. Then i found a new guy while he was gone, haha. Then he found a new girl. yadda yadda yadda. then we were never single at the same time again. but now, he's just broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years and jon and i broke up. I feel like there is pressure for us to get together. He's up front about how he wants us to get together now and even if he had to "woo" me. I dont want it though. I dont want any relatonships right now. I'm not ready. Dating, sure-whatever. But, no relationships. My heart can't handle it.

In fact for me to date seriously again, it's going to be hard. The guy is going to have to work for me. Sweep me off my feet, i suppose. There's guidelines for what i will and will not accept. Sounds weird but it's something i need. My heart can't handle another break like the one Jon caused.

I"m going to see Jon next week sometime though, i think. We'll see. He seems to really miss me, he even talks to me on the phone for more than 5 mins=which is amazing with how much he hates talking on the phone. Oh well though. It's too late for him to go back. If he wants me back, he's going to have to work just as hard--if not harder-- than the rest of the guys that want me to date them seriously now. I might even refuse to date anybody seriously until i get a good job and save up enough money to get out of the student housing. We'll see though; If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
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